Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
