this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
