All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
