her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
