It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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