I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
