IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
