so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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