I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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