I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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