Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
