she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
