Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
