Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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