The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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