Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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