Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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