Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
