She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
