I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
