yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
