i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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