history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
