I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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