I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
