$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
