Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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