I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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