Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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