apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
