Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
