My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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