John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
