we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
