There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
