I met the friendliest cop last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
