I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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