yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
