oh god the rape fog is back!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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