How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
