I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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