And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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