community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
