Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
