I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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