why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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