dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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