arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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