There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
