new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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