Umm I'm too high to move.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
